Writing assignment

Moving in together means figuring out who's version moves on to the next apartment, and who's gets left behind. My TV, because it's bigger. Her bed, because it's more comfortable. My DVD player, because it has surround sound and the capacity to play CDs. Her computer, because it's more powerful.

And then she's talking by herself. The most I utter is one word here and there.

My arms hang by my side. My face is expressionless. I won't even look at her. She tries to look in my eyes but I stare past her. She asks me questions and hears at most one word in response. Delivered monotone.

She suggests I do a writing assignment to figure out what's going on. I write:

Her computer

-> her stuff -> I have no stuff.

-> she will get to decide everything.

-> she can tell me not to use the computer -> that's where I feel safe -> nowhere to go when things are difficult -> intense panic -> heart attack.